The Spider Lily Turns into a Chrysanthemum
Ichimaku: Chapter 10
By the time they reached Renji’s house in Osaka, the place was already alive.
Cars lined the street and crowded the driveway. The front gate had been left open, and men moved constantly between the house, garage, and backyard carrying garbage bags, coolers, folding chairs, boxes of drinks, and trays covered in plastic wrap.
Someone was mowing the lawn, and someone else was hosing down the patio.
Two men were arguing beside the grill over whether it had actually been cleaned or merely looked clean. And another was on a ladder clearing something from a gutter.
Yoshino stared through the passenger window, “Gramps has them doing spring cleaning before the summer.”
“They just did this two weeks ago,” Shouma said.
“That has never stopped him.”
From the back seat, Tsubaki sighed contentedly, “I love being a woman.”
Shouma glanced at her in the rearview mirror, “What does that have to do with anything?”
Tsubaki gestured gracefully toward the army of men cleaning Renji’s property, “Look at them.”
Yoshino turned around.
Tsubaki smiled, “Not a single person is going to ask me to lift anything.”
Shouma parked, “Keep dreaming.”
“I’m not dreaming. I’m beautiful and rich.”
“Those aren’t related.”
“They absolutely are.”
Yoshino laughed and climbed out because she still couldn’t believe Tsubaki and Shouma were still going at it.
One of the men carrying bags toward the backyard spotted them, “Yoshino!”
“Hey!”
“Boss said you’re cleaning upstairs!”
Her smile vanished, “What?”
Shouma shut his door, “Welcome home.”
Yoshino glared at him, “You’re helping me.”
“I figured.”
Tsubaki climbed delicately from the back seat and adjusted her clothes.
Yoshino pointed at her, “And you’re helping too.”
Tsubaki stared at her, “No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m leaving.”
“You just got here!”
Yoshino’s mouth fell open, “You came all the way here just to make us drive you?”
Tsubaki smiled, “Yes.”
Shouma walked past them, “I told you.”
Tsubaki ignored him.
Renji emerged from the house a moment later, “There you are.”
“Gramps.”
Renji looked at Tsubaki, “You too? That has never happened?”
“Oh no, it’s just Yoshino and Shouma that are helping.”
“Grab some gloves.”
Tsubaki’s expression became genuinely offended, and “I’m waiting for Akira.”
“Then you can work until Akira gets here.”
Tsubaki smiled serenely, “No.”
Renji’s laughed loudly, “HA! Of course I’m not gonna make you work sweetie! Over my dead body I’d make you work.”
Shouma walked straight past him.
“Shouma!”
Shouma kept walking away. Yoshino followed, laughing.
Tsubaki sat comfortably in the shade with a cold drink while everyone else worked around her.
When Akira’s Lexus finally pulled up, she stood immediately, “Akira is here.”
Renji looked toward her from the patio, “You both better be here for the bbq.”
Tsubaki smiled, “Of course Renji-san.”
Yoshino watched her walk toward Akira with open admiration, “I aspire to have that level of princess treatment.”
Shouma looked at her, “No.”
She turned, “What do you mean, no?”
“I’m not encouraging that.”
“You carried me before.”
Shouma’s eyes immediately shifted toward her. For half a second, neither spoke. Yoshino’s cheeks warmed.
Shouma looked away,” Yoshino, that was different.”
“How?”
“You asked.”
“So if I ask again—”
“No.”
Tsubaki’s stood by the driveway and watched Shouma and Yoshino. Her smile became increasingly suspicious. Akira stepped from the Lexus and greeted them.
Tsubaki kissed his cheek, “I’m ready.”
“You didn’t help?”
“Of course not.”
Akira looked unsurprised.
Renji threw his hands into the air, “Take her.”
“Gladly.”
As Tsubaki passed Yoshino, she leaned closer, “Have fun cleaning.”
Yoshino narrowed her eyes, “Why are you looking at me that way…”
“Whatever do you mean?” Tsubaki’s gaze flickered discreetly toward Shouma. Then back to Yoshino, “Don’t forget to have lots of fun.”
Yoshino blinked and Shouma’s eyes narrowed.
Tsubaki smiled innocently and climbed into the Lexus. The moment the car disappeared through the gate, Shouma exhaled.
His shoulders dropped, and Yoshino noticed, “You look relieved.”
“I am.”
“She bothers you that much?”
“She watches too much.”
Yoshino glanced toward the disappearing car. Then at him.
A smile slowly appeared and Shouma looked at her, “What?”
“Nothing.”
“Yoshino.”
“It’s really nothing.”
She walked toward the house, and Shouma watched her go.
Renji put them upstairs. “You two know where everything is,” he said. “Bathroom, storage room, bedrooms, hallway. Floors last.”
Yoshino crossed her arms, “Why us?”
“Because you live here when you’re in Osaka.”
“But it looks fine.”
“You didn’t clean your room when you got here on Friday.”
“That’s not—”
“Work.”
Renji disappeared downstairs.
Yoshino stared after him, “Dictator…. YOU’RE A DICTATOR GRAMPS!”
Shouma grabbed the disinfectant, “Stop complaining.”
She turned, “You’re such a kiss-ass.”
“I’m trying to finish.”
“Fiiinnnne.”
Shouma took the bathroom, and Yoshino tackled the storage room. For the next hour, they slipped naturally into a rhythm they’d known since childhood. Shouma scrubbed the bathroom with an almost unreasonable amount of disinfectant. Yoshino vacuumed the bedrooms and hallway, cleared old boxes from the storage room, and collected abandoned clothes, magazines, chargers, and other miscellaneous junk from both bedrooms.
Every few minutes, they passed one another.
And every time something happened. Well, it was nothing anyone else would notice. His fingers brushed the back of her hand when he took a garbage bag from her.
Her shoulder grazed his chest when they squeezed past each other in the storage room. Once, Yoshino crouched to pick something up just as Shouma reached down for it. Their hands landed together, and both stopped. Yoshino looked up, and Shouma looked down at her. Neither moved their hands.
Then someone shouted downstairs, and they immediately separated.
Yoshino continued cleaning and Shouma walked into the bathroom. Neither said anything. But Yoshino smiled for the next five minutes. And eventually, only the wooden floors remained.
Yoshino appeared in the hallway carrying two towels. Shouma stared at them, “No.”
Her grin widened, “Yes.”
“I’m not doing that.”
“You’ve done it every time since we were kids.”
“We’re adults now.”
“And it should be easier.” Yoshino threw a towel at his chest, “Get down, we’re racing like we did before.”
Shouma caught it, “…fine”
And seconds later, both were crouched on the floor. Yoshino placed the towel beneath her hands. Shouma did the same, and she looked at him.
He looked at her.
“Ready?”
“This is fucking stupid.”
“Three—”
“Yoshino.”
“Two—”
“I’m not racing you.”
“One.”
She launched herself forward.
“Hey!”
Yoshino burst out laughing as she slid across the wooden floor on the towel.
Shouma immediately went after her, “You cheated.”
“There were no rules!”
“You’re supposed to count to zero and then launch.”
“I thought you didn’t want to do this!” Yoshino said exasperated.
He caught up and their shoulders collided. Yoshino shrieked as her towel twisted beneath her. Shouma grabbed her arm before she fell. For a second, they were both crouched awkwardly in the hallway, breathing hard.
Then Yoshino looked at him and Shouma looked at her. And both started laughing, the kind of stupid, breathless laughter they used to fall into as kids.
Yoshino dropped onto the floor, “God my knees hurt.”
“You’re getting old.”
“You’re older than me.”
“By a year.”
“Old man.”
She wiped her forehead. Her hair was sticking to her face. Shouma’s shirt was damp around his collar.
Yoshino stared at him, “You smell.”
“So do you.”
Her mouth dropped open, “Excuse me? I meant to say you smell like your cologne mixed with your sweat and it smells really…nice”
“Oh?”
“And anyways, women don’t smell when they sweat.”
“That’s objectively false.”
“We smell feminine.”
“You smell like floor cleaner.”
Yoshino threw the towel at him, “You do too! You know what, we need to take showers and scrub all this cleaner and sweat off us Shouma.”
“Agreed.”
They showered separately.
When Yoshino came back out, she felt human again. She changed into soft gray knit capris and a matching surplice blouse that crossed neatly over her chest and walked downstairs. Shouma emerged from his room several minutes later in loose black cotton pants and a plain black T-shirt. He walked in the same direction as Yoshino.
Downstairs, most of the work was already finished. Hashiro stood near the kitchen in a tracksuit, his black hair streaked with blond highlights.
He spotted them. “Hey!!”
“Where’s Gramps?” Yoshino asked.
“Boss had errands. He’ll be back before dinner.”
Hashiro grabbed his phone from the counter. “We’re pretty much finished here. Some of us are heading downtown. There’s a food festival going on.”
Yoshino brightened. “Oh?”
“You two can come.”
“No,” Shouma said immediately.
Hashiro laughed. “I didn’t even finish asking.”
“I know.”
Yoshino glanced at Shouma. Then at Hashiro. “I’ll stay here with Shouma.”
Shouma’s eyes moved toward her.
Hashiro shrugged. “Aight. Suit yourselves.”
Another man called Hashiro from outside. Yoshino started talking to one of the remaining members near the dining room. Shouma lingered for several seconds, and then he walked behind her.
As he passed, his fingers hooked briefly at the back of her capri pants. It was a tiny tug, and it was gone immediately. Yoshino stopped speaking for half a second.
Nobody noticed, and as she turned, Shouma was already walking toward the stairs. At the bottom step, he glanced back. He barely moved his head.
Upstairs.
Yoshino knew that look. He’d been doing it since they were kids.
Follow me.
Her stomach fluttered.
She turned back toward the man she’d been talking to. “Sorry. What were you saying?”
“We’re heading downtown. They have all kinds of food. Tons of tourists too.” He grinned. “Lots of foreign women.”
Yoshino laughed. “That’s your priority?”
“Absolutely. Last foreign girl I talked to ghosted me.”
“Maybe that’s a sign.”
“Nope. I’m fair game.”
“That’s not what that means.”
“It means what I want it to mean.”
Yoshino shook her head. “Okay. Have fun.”
“See you at dinner, Yoshino!”
“Bye!”
She waited until he disappeared. And then hurried upstairs but as she got to the last step, the hallway was empty. She checked her room first. Nothing.
“Shouma?”
No answer.
She crossed the hallway. His bedroom door was slightly open, and Yoshino pushed it wider.
“Shou—”
A hand caught her from behind the door, and she gasped. Shouma pulled her inside, and the door shut behind him. His back pressed against it as he pulled Yoshino directly against his body.
Her hands landed instinctively against his chest. They stared at one another. Neither laughed or made a joke. The silence changed immediately.
Yoshino could hear her own breathing, as Shouma’s hands settled around her waist. And then her eyes moved toward his mouth. Then back up.
Slowly, without breaking eye contact, Yoshino reached behind him. Her fingers found the door lock.
Click.
Shouma’s eyebrows lifted slightly. And then Yoshino went for the chain lock.
His eyes followed her hand.
“Seriously?”
“Yes Shouma.”
“That’s for emergencies.”
“This is an emergency.”
A tiny smile pulled at his mouth. “Is it?”
“Everyone keeps interrupting us.”
“Fair.”
Yoshino slid both arms over his shoulders, and her hands intertwined behind his neck. Shouma’s expression changed, and she felt his hands tighten around her waist.
And as he drew her closer, Yoshino whispered, “Hi,”
Shouma whispered back, “Hi.”
“You dragged me up here.”
“You followed me.”
“You told me to.”
“I moved slightly my head.”
“I speak Shouma.”
His mouth twitched, “Do ya?”
Yoshino smiled. Their foreheads touched, and neither moved for several seconds. Then Yoshino lifted her face, and Shouma lowered his.
Closer.
Closer.
Their breathing mingled and Yoshino could feel the warmth of his lips before they touched.
But at the final second, something in both of them hesitated. Their faces shifted instinctively. Yoshino’s lips landed softly against his cheek. Shouma closed his eyes, and she stayed there.
One cheek on the kiss.
Two.
Then another small kiss. Shouma turned his face into hers, and their cheeks rubbed gently together. Neither seemed willing to separate. His hand traveled upward, and then he cupped the side of her face. His thumb brushed her cheek, “Yoshino.”
“Mmm?”
Her voice was dreamy and soft. Shouma looked at her for a long moment, “You want to take a nap together?”
Yoshino blinked. Then burst out laughing, “What?”
“I’m serious.”
“You’re holding me against a locked door and asking me to take a nap?”
“Yeah.”
“hmmmmm.”
“Usually around this time, whenever the boss made us clean the house, we’d go upstairs and sleep.”
Yeah, that was true.
Yoshino smiled, “You’d sleep on the floor pillow.”
“And you’d take the bed.”
“Because it was my bed.”
Shouma chuckled, “So now we both take the bed.”
She studied him, “That’s your master plan?”
“Pretty much.”
Yoshino pretended to consider it, “Okay, but carry me.”
He stared at her.
“Like in the movies,” she added.
“Yoshino—”
“I know I’m five-seven and I’m heavy, but—”
She never finished.
Shouma’s arm slid beneath her legs, and the other wrapped around her back, then she was off the floor.
Yoshino yelped “Shouma!”
“What?”
“You could warn me!”
“You asked.”
She instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck. He carried her toward the bed without visible effort.
Yoshino stared at him, “Show-off.”
“You literally asked me to do this.”
“Still.”
He lowered her carefully onto the mattress.
Then climbed beside her.
Before he could settle, Yoshino pushed him, and Shouma fell onto his back. His eyes widened. Yoshino swung herself over him.
Shouma stopped breathing.
Yoshino.
She was straddling him and for several seconds, neither moved.
Yoshino watched his face, and the surprise disappeared. Something more complicated replaced it. Yoshino didn’t know what to do with herself because there was physical fire running through her legs. An electrifying feeling radiated from both of them.
I want him, but I fear this feeling.
I want her, but I don’t want her to be disappointed.
“Yoshino.”
She waited.
“This is wrong.” His eyebrows drew together, “Lay down.”
“What?”
“Let’s just rest,” his voice was low, “You don’t have to do this.”
Yoshino stared at him. Then narrowed her eyes, “Shut up.”
Shouma’s eyes widened.
Yoshino continued, “You can’t tell me what to do.”
“I’m not trying to—”
“Yes, you are.” She leaned down and her hands landed on both sides of his face. Shouma became completely still. Yoshino lowered herself until her lips brushed his neck and his breath caught.
She kissed him there. It was just once.
Her lips are so soft.
Then again.
Shouma’s hands moved from the mattress toward her waist.
“Don’t move.” Yoshino ordered.
His hands stopped immediately and Yoshino almost smiled. She caught the hem of his shirt and pushed it upward.
Shouma grabbed her wrist, “Not now.”
Yoshino looked at him, “I’m not planning on doing that.”
His eyes searched hers, “Ok.”
She lowered her voice, “But I can look at you,” her fingertips slipped beneath his shirt, “And feel you.”
Shouma’s jaw tightened as he released her wrist. Yoshino pushed his shirt farther up and her hands moved slowly over his stomach. The muscle beneath her palms tightened instinctively. She traced upward and then down.
Shouma stared at the ceiling. His breathing had become noticeably deeper. Yoshino watched him.
For once he looks so nervous.
That realization gave her courage. She sat upright and then caught the hem of her own blouse. Shouma looked at Yoshino as she pulled it over her head.
Gray lace
Shouma’s face immediately reddened. And he looked away.
Yoshino frowned, “Don’t look away.”
“I know but… you’re irresistible.”
“You’ve seen me in a bra before.”
“I know but I didn’t let myself ogle.”
“Yeah,” Yoshino leaned closer, “I know.”
Shouma continued staring stubbornly toward the wall.
“If you don’t look at me,” and grabbed Shouma’s chin and forced him to look at her, “I’ll take the bra off too.”
He gave her a defiant look, Yoshino’s eyebrows rose, and then his eyes narrowed, “Trust me when I say.” His gaze slowly dropped to her waist and belly button. And then returned immediately to her eyes, “I want to look at you completely naked.”
Yoshino froze.
“But not right now.” Her bravado evaporated as Shouma’s voice softened, “Because right now I want this.”
Yoshino suddenly became acutely aware of herself. Her bare stomach, her grey lace bra, her position, literally everything.
“Oh my God.” She covered her face.
Shouma’s mouth curved, “What’s wrong?”
“I thought I could be confident and sensual but now I just feel so embarrassed.”
“Don’t be embarrassed.”
“Ugh Shouma, I want to touch you slowly, and I want to feel you.”
In one movement, Shouma sat upright. Yoshino squeaked. He caught her waist and then flipped her. Her eyes widened as her back landed softly against the mattress.
Shouma was above her and as Yoshino stared up at him, his hands caught the bottom of his shirt.
“And since you took yours off…”, he pulled it over his head, “I’ll do it too.”
Yoshino forgot whatever she had planned to say. Her eyes traveled over him. Her eyes lingered on the ink disappearing around his arms and traveling toward his back. She had seen parts of his tattoos before. This obviously wasn’t new, and yet everything was new now.
Shouma gave her several seconds. Then lowered himself beside her, supporting his weight carefully on one arm. Then his other hand moved into her hair.
Yoshino stared at him.
Their bodies rested close enough that she could feel his warmth through the thin lace between them. Heat flooded her again “I feel lightheaded.”
Shouma immediately started moving, “Do you need water?”
“No.”
He stopped.
“It’s not like that.” Yoshino looked embarrassed, “I’m happy.”
Shouma stared at her.
“Like… overwhelmingly happy.” Her voice became quieter, “I don’t know what to do with myself.”
Something softened in his face. He smirked faintly “Come here.” He shifted and drew her against him until Yoshino’s head rested over his chest. His heartbeat was fast.
She smiled, “You’re nervous like me.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Your heart is going crazy.”
“Go to sleep.” Yoshino laughed as Shouma kissed her hair. His fingers moved slowly through it. Within minutes, their breathing began to slow.
The house was quiet and eventually they fell asleep.
Yoshino wasn’t sure how long she’d been asleep when she moved. She was warm, comfortable, half-conscious. Shouma had his head right below her chin. His face was nuzzling her neck.
Shouma.
Her eyes remained closed. And as she brought his closer, his arm tightened instinctively around her. Yoshino shifted upward. Her lips brushed his neck and she kissed it.
I’m still half asleep, but this is so nice. Shouma’s neck is so nice.
Another small kiss and then another.
Shouma slowly woke but he didn’t stop her. For several seconds, he simply lay there, feeling her lips move lazily against his skin, Shouma moaned, “Yoshino…”
Shouma rolled from his side position next to her, and moved upward until his whole body was facing hers.
He’s on top of me.
Her eyes closed as she moved her hands up and down his back. Shouma looked down at her. Neither spoke, but he got down. Both hands gently held her face as he anchored himself with his elbows. Yoshino’s breathing slowed and there she felt that from this point on there was no going back. And this time, neither turned away. She lifted her face. Shouma lowered his.
Their lips met.
Finally.
Yoshino’s eyes closed. For one suspended moment, neither moved. It was only warmth at first contact. The softness of his lips against hers.
Then Shouma moved first. His mouth moved slowly and carefully. Yoshino followed and as she did her body was melting because of the sensation of his lips. They were impossibly soft compared with the rest of him. Shouma was rough hands, muscle, scars, tattoos, cigarettes, hard stares and sharp words. But his mouth…
So soft, and so sweet.
Yoshino let him lead. Their lips parted and met again. A second kiss. It was longer, and much more passionate. Now Yoshino’s back was arching, and every time it relaxed, it made a release. Just small waves, and Shouma was matching her tempo by getting closer at every wave. Yoshino felt guilty and whispered to Shouma, “Who knew grinding felt so good… please don’t stop Shouma.”
Shouma slowly hushed her, “Shhhhh, just close your eyes like mine and let my lips love you.”
Shouma’s hand remained against her cheek. Inside, he was panicking. Not because he wanted to stop, but because he didn’t. Years of wanting her had suddenly become real beneath his hands. Every instinct in his body wanted more.
I want to pull her closer, hold her and make her mine. Forget the party downstairs, forget Osaka, forget everyone, forget Kirishima. She’s mine.
But this was Yoshino. The person he’d cherished longer than he’d even understood what love was. He would not rush her, and he would not turn their first kiss into something consumed by hunger. So, he slowed himself. He kept kissing her. For the first time he wanted his eyes open so he could look at her face and admire her wanting look, but this kiss was her first kiss and she deserved everything.
And so Shouma, again restrained himself and relaxed his body so he could continue to kiss her gently. Yoshino sighed softly into his mouth.
Shouma flinched and his eyes opened for half a second. Yoshino didn’t seem to notice but she kissed him again. The sigh she made had gone directly through him. Nothing like anything he’d ever heard from her. His hands moved down; one settled against her thigh, and the other held her closer to the hip.
Yoshino melted against him. Their kisses deepened without becoming hurried.
This is so warm and nice, I love doing this with Shouma.
Every few moments they separated just far enough to breathe before one of them closed the distance again.
They lost track of time, and neither knew how much time passed. Eventually Shouma forced himself to pull back, “Okay.”
Yoshino pulled him back instinctively.
He moved back again, “Okay, okay, okay.”
She stared at him. Her eyes started getting watery because all these physical sensations were new to her.
Shouma was breathing hard, “I love you, but we need to slow down.”
Her face was completely flushed. Her dark brown eyes seemed almost crimson beneath the warmth in her cheeks. She looked dazed and completely intoxicated by him.
Beautiful Yoshino.
“Take a breath,” Shouma murmured as he wiped the tears with his thumb.
Yoshino inhaled, then immediately leaned toward him again.
Shouma laughed and caught her face, “Yoshino.”
“What?”
“No more for now, okay?”
“I don’t want a break.”
“I know,” He rubbed both thumbs over her cheeks, “I’m here.”
Her expression softened.
“Yoshino, I’m not leaving.”
Yoshino stared at him.
Shouma continued, “We can do this again later.”
“Promise?”
Shouma chuckled softly, “Yeah.” he kissed her forehead, “I promise.”
Yoshino sighed dramatically.
“But right now we need to calm down. We’re both riled up, and there’s a barbecue downstairs in the next hour.”
Yoshino blinked with realization, “Oh…OHHHH… ah man…”
“Yeah.”
“I hate this. I just want to be here with you.”
“I know, me too.”
She dropped her forehead against his chest, “This is your fault.”
Shouma laughed quietly, “My fault?”
“You kissed me.”
“You kissed my neck in my sleep.”
“I was half asleep.”
“You were fully awake by the third one.”
“Huh…well Shouma, if you know that, then that means you were also fully awake.”
“Damn, you caught me…” Shouma said sarcastically as he smirked.
Yoshino lifted her face, “And you liked it.”
Shouma stared at her, “Obviously.”
She smiled and thought, I made him blush so many times. Also, he’s still anchoring his body with his arms.
“I think you need to lie down next to me. You can’t keep hovering over me like that. You’re gonna get tired.”
“This is nothing,” Shouma said. “But yeah, I want to be next to you.”
He settled beside Yoshino, propping his head up with one hand while the other gently caressed her stomach. They pulled the blankets over themselves and for a while, they simply held each other.
Then Shouma looked toward the ceiling, “So.”
Yoshino immediately recognized the tone, “So?”
“You’ve liked me for a while, huh?”
She scoffed, “I can’t believe you never noticed. And anyways, I had to learn to hide it because I wasn’t sure you’d ever like me in that way.”
Shouma turned his head to face Yoshino.
Yoshino continued, “Actually no, I didn’t like you, I’ve been in love with you.”
He went quiet for a few seconds before he looked back at the ceiling, “How long?”
Yoshino thought, “About three months after Gramps adopted you.”
Shouma turned fully toward her, “Three months?”
“Yeah.”
“That fast?”
Yoshino smiled, “You were strange.”
Shouma gave her a puzzled look.
“I’m serious Shouma.” She traced a small pattern against his chest, “I’d heard about what happened to you. Not every detail. Gramps wouldn’t tell me everything because I was young.”
Shouma listened silently.
“But I knew enough,” her voice softened, “You seemed so strong.”
His eyes narrowed down from the ceiling to the window.
Yoshino continued, “But you were angry,” she paused, “And sad.”
Shouma said nothing, and then he cleared his throat, “I remember being nervous because I was waiting for someone to tell me that I had to leave…but that day never came.”
Yoshino interjected, “I know. I could see it in your face. And I hated that,” Yoshino looked at him, “So I kept bothering you.”
“You definitely did.”
“Every day.”
“Constantly.”
“I talked to you even though you wouldn’t answer.”
“You talked enough for both of us.” Shouma said as he smiled at her.
She slapped his chest lightly, “You were mute for months.”
“I wasn’t mute.”
“You wouldn’t talk.”
“I talked to the boss.”
“Barely! You would never respond to me and I really was talking to a wall for those 12ish weeks. Then one day you finally answered me.”
Shouma remembered, of course he remembered.
Yoshino had followed him around half the afternoon asking increasingly ridiculous questions:
What food do you like?
Shouma, do you know how to swim?
Do you like insects? I don’t really like them.
Do you think ghosts are real? I think there’s a ghost in grandpas basement.
Are you a dog or a cat person?
Finally, after what felt like the hundredth question, he’d muttered:
Dogs.
Yoshino had reacted as though he’d delivered a speech. He wanted to laugh at the time, but he also felt like he was not allowed to laugh with the daughter of one of the biggest Yakuza of Kansai.
“The next day,” Yoshino continued, “Gramps thanked me.”
Shouma looked at her.
Yoshino continued, “He said I was the person who made you start talking again. So yes, I was aware that you spoke to gramps with yes and no responses, but after that day, gramps told me you were more receptive in conversation.”
She smiled proudly, “So naturally, I decided I was very important.”
“You already thought you were important.” Shouma winked at Yoshino.
“I was important, an extremely important eleven-year-old.”
Shouma laughed softly. Then his expression became more thoughtful, “You know…”
“Hm?”
“I never thought you were annoying.”
Yoshino lifted her head, “Really?????”
“Yeah.”
“No, you absolutely acted like I annoyed you.”
“I didn’t know what to do with you,” he stared at the ceiling again, “At first, I did think you were spoiled, but your old man told me about your father, and your mom. Then it made me realize you deserved all of the love and praise. You never met your dad because you were a baby when he died. Your mom… well she couldn’t take care of you, so Renji raised you. Renji, and Hotei…”
Yoshino frowned, “You suffered as well. You also deserve love and praise.”
“It doesn’t matter. We’re in the present right now. My past doesn’t matter.”
He searched for the words and he continued, “But yeah, I had to act like I didn’t notice you in that way. You have always been pretty. Everybody loved you. You walked into a room, and everybody knew you belonged there.”
Yoshino became quiet.
Shouma continued, “I didn’t though…I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere.”
Shouma tapped her forehead lightly with his pointer finger, “And then there’s this girl following me around every day trying to talk to me.”
He smiled faintly at the memory and sighed heavily, “I didn’t think I was allowed to be around you.”
Yoshino’s brows pulled together, “Why?”
“Because I knew where I came from.” His voice was matter-of-fact, “I knew who my father was. I knew what people thought of him. I knew what he’d done.”
“That wasn’t you.”
“I know that now,” he looked at her, “I didn’t know that then. I was twelve. But yeah, I thought you were too good for me.”
“Shouma…”
“You were clean and I don’t mean literally.”
“I know.”
“You were… safe,” he paused, “Happy…and I didn’t want whatever was wrong with me getting on you.”
She immediately wrapped her arm more tightly around him, “Nothing was wrong with you.”
Shouma looked at her, “Yoshino, something was wrong with me and continues to be wrong with me. I’ve killed people with my bare hands and I have violent tendencies.”
Yoshino pressed a kiss against his chest, “You don’t hurt innocent people.”
Shouma’s hand moved through her hair, “Yeah, but I can easily hurt people if I want to. I know what I’m capable of. I think the only reason your grandfather allowed me to stay around you was because he noticed you acted differently around me.”
Yoshino frowned, “How??? I didn’t act different.”
“Apparently you were more playful when I was around.”
“Apparently? That old man doesn’t know anything. I was like that with everyone, especially Hotei.”
“That’s what he told me. But it makes sense and explained why he allowed me to be around you. He realized I was only a year older than you. And once I started settling in, he decided I’d be the one staying by your side whenever he or somebody else from the gumi couldn’t.”
Yoshino nodded slowly, “At school… yeah that totally makes sense. Before that, I was homeschooled as a kid. They tried having Hotei at the preschool with me… but let’s just say, the teachers and parents didn’t like that.”
“Yup. I was perfect as a guard. I was only a year older but I had the strength to fight off a gorwn adult. That’s why we were able to enjoy school, festivals, after school hang outs and just about whatever you wanted.”
“That makes sense.” Yoshino rested her chin against his chest, “So when did YOU fall in love with me?”
Shouma became quiet.
Her eyes narrowed, “Shouma.”
“Before that.”
“Before what?”
“Before the boss adopted me.”
Yoshino stared, “wait, WHAT?”
“I’d seen you before.”
Yoshino sat up in disbelief, “WHEN?”
“It was at a festival.”
“What festival?”
“I don’t remember which one.”
“How old?”
“You had to be about nine.” Yoshino’s eyes widened as Shouma continued, “because I was ten.”
She stared at him.
Shouma continued, “You were surrounded by guards.”
“That sounds right.”
“And Hotei was carrying you.”
Yoshino’s face softened immediately, “Hotei…”
“I knew who he was. My biological father was always in trouble,” Shouma said. “And Hotei terrified him.”
Yoshino listened.
“Every time my father saw him, he’d disappear. Cross the street. Hide. Leave whatever place we were at.” Shouma gave a humorless little laugh, “So obviously, as a kid, I thought Hotei had to be some kind of monster.”
Yoshino smiled faintly, “He would’ve hated that description.”
“I know…” Shouma looked at her, “but I was intrigued because the man that scared my real father was carrying a cute little girl with strawberry dango in one hand. This guy who made my father terrified was walking through a festival carrying this little girl like she was the most precious thing in the world.”
Yoshino’s eyes warmed.
“It didn’t make sense to me.” he smiled, “It was such a weird juxtaposition that I couldn’t stop looking.”
“So you thought I was cute?”
Shouma stared at her, “That’s what you got from that?”
“Answer the question.”
“Yeah, you were very cute”
Yoshino grinned, “continue.”
Shouma rolled his eyes, “After that, I started noticing you.”
“Wait, so you saw more times?”
“Yes, I lived in the area. I had proximity to your family because of my father’s wrongdoings, gambling and whatever other bullshit he was doing.”
“WOW… yeah I had no idea…”
“I’d see Hotei with you sometimes. Other people too. You were always surrounded.” Shouma’s voice quieted, “And you always looked safe.”
He stared somewhere beyond her, “I wanted that too.”
Not your wealth, your name or Renji’s power, just belonging and having protection as a kid.
“Having someone terrifying stand between you and the rest of the world. I wanted to be part of whatever that was,” Shouma admitted, “Every time my father saw Hotei, he saw someone to run from. Which actually, my father was such a coward, that he would just leave me and run.”
Shouma looked at her, “But when I saw Hotei, I wasn’t scared.”
“Because of me?”
“Because you were smiling. I figured if somebody like you wasn’t scared of him, maybe I didn’t need to be either.”
For several seconds, Yoshino couldn’t speak. Shouma brushed hair away from her face, “Eventually your grandfather found out who I was. Then two years later, when I was twelve, your old man adopted me.”
Yoshino smiled, “…And the rest is history.”
“Pretty much.”
She stared at him, “Wait.”
“What?”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“I did.”
“No.” Yoshino crossed her arms, “You told me when you first saw me.”
“Yeah.”
“I asked when you fell in love with me.”
Shouma went quiet and Yoshino stared, waiting for an answer.
“When I saw you again after the adoption. I actually didn’t know what Renji looked like. The only face I know was Hotei’s and the other men who were always with him.” Shouma looked directly at her. “I realized who your grandfather was when we arrived at the main house and you were standing outside with Hotei and fifteen other men. I recognized you immediately.”
“You did?”
“Yeah.”
“You never said anything.”
“What was I supposed to say? ‘Hey, I’ve been watching you at festivals for two years?’”
Yoshino laughed, “Okay, yeah that would’ve been weird.”
“You came running over.” Shouma remembered it perfectly. She’d been excited because Renji told her someone new was coming to live with them. She’d asked his name, and she was cheerful like she’d already decided he belonged there.
“I don’t know if I understood it as love then.” He paused, “I was twelve.”
Yoshino nodded, “That’s okay.” Her face softened, “Honestly my love for you started as a crush, but it did eventually turn into romantic love…”
“Even when I acted like you were annoying me.”
Her eyes began to sting, “Yeah… even when I thought you were annoyed with me, and even when you started dating other people.” Yoshino’s expression changed slightly at that.
Shouma noticed, “Yeah. We’re going to have to talk about that eventually.”
“We absolutely are.”
“Not tonight though, I want you to have time to process everything and ask as many questions as you want but we don’t have time before the bbq downstairs.”
He cleared his throat again, “But there was never a point where I stopped loving you.”
Yoshino stared at him, “Not once?”
“No.”
“Even when I left?”
His smile faded, “Especially then.”
Yoshino swallowed. Shouma cupped the back of her head, “I just thought loving you and being with you were two different things. I thought one was mine to feel.”
His thumb moved gently against her hair, “And the other wasn’t mine to have.”
Yoshino’s eyes filled with tears, “Idiot.”
“I know.”
She leaned down and buried her face against him. Shouma wrapped both arms around her. Yoshino signed, “You’re such an idiot.”
“I know.”
“I would’ve said yes to you Shouma.”
“I know that now.”
“I would’ve said yes years ago.” Yoshino lifted her head. “Why?” She stared at him. Then laughed through the ache in her chest, “You know what, you don’t have to explain that now. Knowing who my family is and gramps, AND your background, yeah, I see why you held back.”
She settled against him again as silence filled the room.
Yoshino yawned, “I wish we could stay here, just like this…”
Shouma looked at her, “Mhm.”
“Wait are you already dosing off?”
“I’m exhausted.”
Yoshino narrowed her eyes, “well I’m exhausted too. Hmph, you exhausted ME.”
His eyebrows rose, “I exhausted you?“
Yoshino smiled against his chest, “Yeah. I can recover by more kisses but you won’t let me.”
He pinched her.
“OW!”
“Yoshino, trust me when I say I would do everything you want but we also need to be responsible. Remember what you asked me the other night? To stop you from doing dumb shit.”
“Yeeeeah… but how would this be that?”
“If we kept kissing, and you asked me to have sex with you, I would say yes, however, this is the boss’s house. Even if you locked the door, if we didn’t show up downstairs, the gumi would bust down the door, and see us both naked. Renji would skin me alive.”
“You’re right… wait, do you think gramps wouldn’t accept you?? That shouldn’t be a problem.”
“No it’s not that. I don’t know if he will or not, but at the same time, I don’t believe he’d be against it. I think he would skin me alive knowing that I made you mine without courting you properly, without asking him to let me date you, and pledging myself to you.”
“When do you think would be the right time?”
“I’m not sure Yoshino… but definitely not tonight. Tomorrow we’ll be working on refurbishing the building for your new business venture, and we won’t have time. I think once you open the medical spa in the next month, we can talk to Renji.”
“But what if he sees me ogling you?” Yoshino asked. “Sorry, Shouma, but now I won’t be able to stop myself from making this face. What if I suddenly get this intense itch to hold your hand or hug you?”
“It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary. We’ve held hands and hugged before.”
Yoshino scratched her chin thoughtfully. “Yeah, you’re right…”
“However…” Shouma paused. “The ogling? Yeah, we definitely can’t look at each other like that in front of everyone. Not until we tell Renji. Out of respect, Yoshino.”
“Yeah, I know…” She grew quiet for a moment. “Well, aside from that… since you told me all of this, there are things I need to tell you too. Especially why I hid my feelings throughout middle school and high school.”
Shouma’s hand moved slowly through her hair. “I’ll listen when the time comes.”
He glanced toward the window. Late-afternoon sunlight filtered weakly through the curtains. Downstairs, the house was quiet for now, but soon everyone would return. Yoshino rested her cheek against his chest, one arm draped over his stomach. Their legs tangled comfortably beneath the blanket. Shouma looked down at her before pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
Yoshino stirred slightly and moved closer. His arms tightened around her, and for the first time, Shouma didn’t think about what came next. They stayed like that, holding each other, until the alarm on Yoshino’s phone finally went off.
“Shouma, we need to put some clothes on soon. I can hear people coming into the house.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Neither of them moved.
Somewhere between Kyoto, Osaka, and Tokyo, between childhood and adulthood, between everything they’d said and everything they’d been too afraid to say, they had finally stopped missing each other.
